Grandfather/Grandad/Grandpa/Lolo…

I’m no good when dealing with the loss of someone, whether it’s close to home or not. I’m never sure of how to feel or what to say. I feel awkward so I usually remain quiet and sometimes show little to no emotions. It doesn’t happen on all occasions, but most.

My grandfather passed away on Wednesday morning. When I was told, I was speechless and I felt empty. I got into my car, went to work, continued about my day and told maybe two people at work about it, but it hadn’t really sunk in. While my heart was starting to feel heavy, my mind was just… blank.

I didn’t cry straight away which was odd because like most people, I’ll cry when I watch a sad scene from a movie or when I see someone close to me crying. It was also odd because it’s usually easy for me to be emotional or show emotions. But on Wednesday, there was nothing. It wasn’t until Friday morning that I actually started to feel… anything. And it wasn’t until Friday night that I really cried.

I cried because I hadn’t spoken to my grandfather in the last 3 years or so. I cried because I felt guilty for not making of an effort to stay in touch. I cried because while there’s disagreements and arguments going on between my relatives (just like every other family), I had no reason to NOT speak to my grandfather. And while all of that commotion was going on in the background, I still failed to make an effort.

Now, he’s gone. And I know he had been unwell for quite some time, I wasn’t expecting him to go just yet. But he’s in a better place now, no pain, no worries and for that I’m grateful.

I don’t know how to end this post and honestly I’m not too sure why I posted it. Writing has always been my outlet, so I guess… here I am.

If you’re reading this, stay in touch with relatives and no matter the rifts between you, remember that family is important.


I miss you Lolo and I am deeply sorry that I wasn’t around in person or even by phone more often. I hope we meet again soon. I love you always.

Rest in peace Lolo.
Dante S. Barcelon Sr.
Sept 18th, 1933 – Jan 30th, 2019


~ kdb.

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It’s been a while…

It’s been a while since my last update, and I know I said I’d try and update more often. But sometimes life gets in the way. Obviously life has been so good that I haven’t actually had much time to post an update. I guess that means that I should actually have an update to provide… but I don’t really… I mean work is work, it’s usually busy and then sometimes not as busy, my work bestie (and also non-work bestie) has left me for Sephora and as much as I miss her, I’m glad she got the role there. She is in her element! And besides, as if you’d say no to Sephora!

Home life has been wonderful. Moving in with G has probably been one of the best milestones since we met. I mean we still see each other like we would be if we weren’t living together but it’s just really nice to have someone to come home to, or have someone come home to you. I guess it’s something I never had the chance of experiencing before and I’m really happy that it’s with G that I get to have that experience.

My mum came over for a long weekend and finally got to meet G. They hit it off pretty well and even had a game of golf together. I also took mum out for a late Mother’s Day high tea and it was nice to spend time with her. I do miss her and I’m really excited to see her in November when I return for a visit. I’ll be bringing G along with me too; he’s going to be meeting the Melbourne mob and I’m a little worried for him! Kidding!

One thing I’m really excited about… my Pop Vinyls FINALLY being on display!

How awesome does it look! There are some Pops, sitting behind others because I was only allowed to have 1 display unit for these but it looks pretty cool!

Anyways, that’s all. It’s a useless update but whatever! Who reads this anyway?

~kdb.

Happy 1st Anniversary…

One year ago, I had a conversation with this guy… it went like this:

Me: So uh, how would you introduce me to your friends?
Him: As my girlfriend?
Me: So you’re my boyfriend?
Him: I hope so!

And we now live happily ever after.

THE END.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kidding… it’s still only the beginning!

Happy first anniversary my love; I don’t know how you’ve been able to put up with me for an ENTIRE YEAR but you’ve done very well. I’d give you a medal but I don’t have any so a shout out on my website will have to do!

I love you with all my heart! I’m looking forward to many more years with you!

giphy

xo

~kdb.

Can I just say…

Can I just say… WOW… I am absolutely blown away by the support and kind words from everyone on my last post… Okay to be fair this was via Facebook because clearly that’s where I’m most active when it comes to social media. Also, I don’t have that many followers on Twitter and my blog doesn’t post to Instagram. BUT WHATEVER! I’m in awe of everyone who has commented and encouraged me to write more, and even more so to those who have congratulated me on what has been a pretty successful 12 months. I’m truly grateful to have an amazing network of friends, regardless of how often we speak or see each other.

I end this quick post with a public service announcement.

Avengers: Infinity Wars is out right now! (For us amazing Aussies anyway!) Yassssssssss! If you haven’t made plans to see them then you need to reassess your priorities and cancel all other plans so you CAN see this film.

That being said… please, no spoilers! Or else I will cut you!

Bye!

~kdb.

Another year, another update…

Over 12 months ago, I was ready to give online dating the flick. I even wrote a semi-rant-blog post about it. I had been on a number of first dates with guys who seemed really mature, genuine, fun and had great personalities. But it didn’t seem to go past that initial meet. While I thought we had great connection, it turned out that they didn’t feel the same. What sucked, was that rather than saying “hey it’s been nice but I don’t think you’re the girl for me”, they would just disappear off the face of the dating planet. It’s a shitty feeling when that happens, but their loss was someone else’s gain. If it weren’t for all those failed dates, I wouldn’t have met my love, so I guess you could say it was my gain too!

Just before Easter of 2017, I had added a guy to a “favourites” list on the dating application I was using at the time, with the intention of sending him a message. I sat on it for a little while because as above, I was starting to get frustrated and was about to just give up. But then he messaged me. We chatted about TV shows and movies we liked, activities we took part in, music we listened to, joked around and get a little comfortable I guess you could say. So we decided to meet for coffee. I had prepared myself for the worst; the potential for him to just ignore me after we met just like the rest of them. But to my surprise, it was quite the opposite. We went out again the same week, and again not long after; we were texting almost every day since then and before we knew it, we were “official”… yes I know that sounds corny but whatever! I didn’t expect him to stick around long enough to let me fall in love with him. But he did, and he’s still here and I couldn’t be happier.

We moved into a place together recently too, a townhouse not far from my work and making his work commute a little shorter as well. While we don’t spend that much time together on weekdays/weeknights because of our different work schedules, we still get to hang out on the weekends and text each other daily; just like we did when we first started dating.

He has been the best and most positive thing to come along in a long time. With his encouragement and support, I started to enjoy the outdoors again, getting creative and just learning to really love and appreciate the things I used to in the past. He also encouraged me to look at where I wanted to be in life, on a personal level as well as on a career level. With my luck, a friend I had worked with previously, came to me with an opportunity to join her where she currently works. With his encouragement as well as the support of my family and friends, I took the opportunity and I was successful in getting that role.

The past 12 months have been pretty amazing, I’ve met the love of my life, someone who I know I want to annoy for the rest of my days, I’ve moved to a new company, new role and made lots of new friends. But the one thing I haven’t done, is found my motivation to write like I used to.

This could be the start, but this isn’t going to be a long post, it’s more of a quick update on where I’m at in life and also a shout out to my love; you’re one of a kind and I’m happy that we met. I love you! 😘

With that, I’m out… see you in a year… or maybe sooner!

~kdb.

Being single in your 30s…

Being single in your 30s… it’s not easy. I’m not saying that being single at any other age isn’t easy either, but I’m at that stage in my life where I don’t have time to mess around, or play games. I don’t have the energy to go through bullshit, heartbreak and nonsense. I’m happy being on my own if no one wants to be by my side, respect and love me the way I believe we both should be respected and loved.

I spent the last two years with a wall up, for good reasons too. I had wasted enough time focusing on someone else’s needs other than my own and I felt that it was time to put the focus back on me for once. My last relationship was a long one, and during that time I’d made many sacrifices. We both did, but my sacrifices cost me part of my sanity, part of my identity, and part of my self worth. Since then I’d accepted that a relationship may not be something I’m destined to have, not to say that I’d rule it out completely. I’m very open to it; if an amazing guy comes along, sweeps me off my feet and makes me feel loved, adored and respected, then I would welcome the opportunity and embrace it.

Late last year, I’d worked up the courage (thanks to a friend of mine) to put myself out there. By that, I mean sign up to an online dating site/app. It’s a daunting experience for me; I’m clueless in selling myself (I mean I’m no sales woman and I’m really bad at job interviews), I have no idea what to say to guys anymore, and I feel like maybe I’ll just make a dick of myself. To be quite honest, I’ve probably already made a fool of myself with the guys that I have talked to and met.

It’s hard to tell what a guy’s intentions are these days, especially when you barely know them. I’ve come across a few guys who are too eager, or too keen and that scares me. I’m a little old fashioned when it comes to relationships and that’s probably because it’s been a long time since I’ve dated. I meet people with the intention of forming a bond with them, a friendship at least. If a relationship forms, then so be it, and if that leads to a life long commitment then so be it too. It has to feel right from both sides; sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.

Meeting new people and making friends is relatively easy for me. I would consider myself friendly and outgoing and I’ll talk to just about anyone. What I find difficult though, is detachment. I feel that if I get along with someone really well (or if I think I do), then I can get easily attached to them. That’s not to say I’m clingy, it just means that I can put more attention and focus on that person than anything else. And it kind sucks because most often, it’ll just be one sided. Then I get anxious; worried that maybe I am being clingy and that probably makes it even worse.

Like most people, I hate disappointment. So I try to avoid situations where there is even a slight chance of ending up disappointed. Unfortunately that includes dating. I mean, no one wants to feel disappointed when it comes to love. That’s why my walls have stayed up. I guess at some point though, they need to come down a little otherwise I’ll be shut out from everyone.

Being single in your 30s… it’s bloody hard, and from my experiences over the last few months, I’m very rusty when it comes to dating. I’m far from perfect and I will no doubt lose my footing but we all go through it; maybe just at different ages.

Maybe I’ll find my prince charming, or maybe not. That’s totally cool, because at the end of the day I can happily say that I’m okay with being on my own.

~kdb.